Why Doesn't Anyone Understand Me?

"I feel separate from the universe. I feel like I came from another planet, and no one understands me."

We believe that we are misunderstood, in fact we INSIST that we are misunderstood. We do so in order to justify our feelings of inadequacy, separation and difference.

 

We've heard all the clichés: reuniting with the Source, returning to the Father, joining the Family of Man, going Home, getting connected to Mother Earth, and many more.

As children, we often felt like an invasion on the lives of our parents. As adults lacking in Personal Power, our parents might have failed to give us the nurturing, supportive environment that would lead us easily to a full life. They seemed not to understand us. We felt alienated and so we made ourselves the bad guy.

Personal responsibility is a phrase we hear a lot; we have taken it to mean making money or paying our taxes or any of several other guilt trips. These pages do not have to do with money; they have to do with emotional and mental responsibility.

Nobody can make us do or feel anything; we are always in control of ourselves and our lives. Take for instance, when we are feeling sad, and someone tries to "make" us feel better; take a good look at a time when this has happened. We have a tendency to resist their attempts to cheer us up! We feel separate and misunderstood because we have made up our minds to feel that way. We actually insist on feeling that way.

This is how it goes: as children, we give all of our power over to our parents (well, some of us do!) and then we hate our feelings of subordination. We decide to be or feel certain ways over the course of our lives, becoming ever more engrained or entrenched in beliefs about ourselves. Our parents, teachers, friends, bosses, and society in general support and reinforce our belief systems, telling us what is right and wrong. We also become entrenched in our belief that the power or authority in our lives comes from outside of us.

Fear is what has us by the proverbial nuts; we are afraid to BE something different, afraid to have been wrong, afraid to lose what few friends we have, afraid to this, afraid to that, on and on, ad nauseum. We need to assertively tackle our thoughts and beliefs to change our course in life!

Here is what to DO:
Be your own monitor and monitor your thoughts:

1. Make the assumption that every time you accuse someone of not understanding you, you are conferring power (that belongs to you) onto them.
2. Realize and take responsibility for the fact that you give away your own power freely, and then complain about feeling powerless (or misunderstood).
3. Listen to the way you communicate; take your words and dissect them. Listen to your tone of voice and notice your body posture. If you were watching a movie, what would you say about the characters?
4. When you become aware that you are saying words or having thoughts about someone not understanding you, STOP COLD, regardless of what is happening!
5. Think for just a minute - this is like a broken record playing the same old groove over and over again, isn't it? What triggered the thought or the outburst? Can you remember the first time a similar scene happened (usually NOT with the same person as it happened this time)? The chances are good that the first time was when you were young. This person is not responsible for your outburst; YOU are. Own it and eliminate it.

Slowly, you will begin to catch yourself sooner and sooner until you don't even need to catch yourself, then you will have eliminated the behavior. As you see the behaviors that lead to misunderstanding, you can begin to purge them from your life forever.